we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
