he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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