I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
