You just made me feel so damn special
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
