My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize