Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
