you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize