Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
