I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
