I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
