i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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