The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
