'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
