I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
