You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
