you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
