his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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