That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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