a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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