It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
