speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
