I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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