I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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