You smell like stripper and shame
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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