Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
