i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
