It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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