My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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