I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
