Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
