Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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