while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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