Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
