Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
