WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
