Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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