do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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