we're blogging at a bar
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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