By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
