every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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