The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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