yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
