Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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