how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
