But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
