What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
