it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
