Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize