i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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