end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
