I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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