Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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