Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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