he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
