You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
