I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
