ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
