So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
