She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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