what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
