sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
