You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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