3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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