i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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