My cat gives me a boner
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
