I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
