i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
