I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
