If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
