I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
