Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
