Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
