Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
