four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
