there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
