I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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